These passed few days I have been really angry.
Angry at myself, angry with my relationships, angry with decisions I've made, angry with thoughts I've had and angry with life.
There is just SO much going on right now and I can't even comprehend how I will be able to handle the rest of my life if I keep heading in this direction.
I feel like I've been hit by a bus, which then got hit by and train and had a plane crash right on top.
It just seems to me that lately, Every time I try to change something for the better, some other crap comes along and sets me back 10 steps. This can't be how God intended me to live my life, can it?!
I would so much rather cry every freaking moment of every day than be angry. I mean, at least when I cry, then that only effects me. But when I'm angry I have the potential and capability to hurt people I care about.
I just want to shut everything off. Just for one day.
I'm so tired of feeling everything all the time. It's too overwhelming. I can't differentiate between my hurt and the hurt I feel for other people. How do people manage all these freaking emotions? I seriously feeling like I'm going to puberty again! Except this time, I have all the emotions of everyone in the world!
Like, enough already. I can't handle all this anymore!
I just want to yell, and swear and hit things!
Ugh!
Thursday 9 April 2015
Friday 27 March 2015
Where do I start?!
Oh man,
If I had even the faintest idea on where to start this thing, that would be awesome!
But, since I don't, I'll start here...
So basically,
I have no clue where God is leading my life.
And if you would have told me that everything that has happened, was going to happen, I would have told you to get lost.
But with everything, that has happened.
My life has changed, and surprisingly, it has been for the best.
Now, with all that being said, my life has not been an easy one to deal with this past month. I'm on this totally new journey of emotions, trusting God, and building better relationships with people I tend to surround myself with.
The biggest struggle so far, has definitely been with all my freaking emotions. These things are absolutely on steroids right now. Like, it's actually insane.
The whole time that I have been living I have never been a very emotional human being, and then all of the sudden, I'm on this freaking stupid emotional roller coaster. It's almost like I have the hormonal imbalance of a pregnant woman.
I've been watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-air and I swear there hasn't been a stretch of more than three episodes together that I haven't cried or teared up.
EVERYTHING GETS TO ME.
Alright, now gets go on a slightly different avenue.
Four months ago I thought I had everything figured out. Well, turns out, I was wrong.
I was given the most shocking news I have heard in my life.And I had NO idea how to deal with all the things I was feeling.
Everything that I thought I had planned fell apart. Everything I thought I felt, was soaked in gas and torched.
Then I started the cleansing streams program at church and needless to say, my life began to change course yet again. And this was all within a couple days of receiving the bad news.
God has used every single experience that I have, and he has shown me how to start living as a man of God.
But now, I am faced with many tough decisions, and can only rely on God for guidance, patience and assurance. This is a very new thing for me, as I do NOT like to give control over to anyone but I know through all my trials, God will help me persevere and I will become twice the man I am today.
If I had even the faintest idea on where to start this thing, that would be awesome!
But, since I don't, I'll start here...
So basically,
I have no clue where God is leading my life.
And if you would have told me that everything that has happened, was going to happen, I would have told you to get lost.
But with everything, that has happened.
My life has changed, and surprisingly, it has been for the best.
Now, with all that being said, my life has not been an easy one to deal with this past month. I'm on this totally new journey of emotions, trusting God, and building better relationships with people I tend to surround myself with.
The biggest struggle so far, has definitely been with all my freaking emotions. These things are absolutely on steroids right now. Like, it's actually insane.
The whole time that I have been living I have never been a very emotional human being, and then all of the sudden, I'm on this freaking stupid emotional roller coaster. It's almost like I have the hormonal imbalance of a pregnant woman.
I've been watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-air and I swear there hasn't been a stretch of more than three episodes together that I haven't cried or teared up.
EVERYTHING GETS TO ME.
Alright, now gets go on a slightly different avenue.
Four months ago I thought I had everything figured out. Well, turns out, I was wrong.
I was given the most shocking news I have heard in my life.And I had NO idea how to deal with all the things I was feeling.
Everything that I thought I had planned fell apart. Everything I thought I felt, was soaked in gas and torched.
Then I started the cleansing streams program at church and needless to say, my life began to change course yet again. And this was all within a couple days of receiving the bad news.
God has used every single experience that I have, and he has shown me how to start living as a man of God.
But now, I am faced with many tough decisions, and can only rely on God for guidance, patience and assurance. This is a very new thing for me, as I do NOT like to give control over to anyone but I know through all my trials, God will help me persevere and I will become twice the man I am today.
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